that it's ok, to yell at me, when I am just trying to help....What the fuck! Seriously, maybe I am just over feeling and over thinking and over being right now.
I have always been genuine, or at least I think I am. Maybe everyone else is right and I am just as fake and hypocritical as everyone else. I was taught to be respectful of others feelings. I guess no one else has been taught to have manners. I just want to give up and not care anymore. It's all crap!
No one asks about me, how I am doing. No one knows all of the crap that I am going through. No one cares. They all pretend to be my friends, but everyone has their own things going on. Honestly I shouldn't worry, if they can't worry about me, then I really shouldn't worry about them. I guess it's all fake friends. It still feels like I am in High School. I hated every minute of that mess. No one knew, no one cared then either. I am just as insecure and broken as I was then, but no one knows. It really doesn't matter anyway.
I have a big convention coming up in a few weeks and currently I am having a ton of anxiety about the whole thing. There are 'friends' I am going to meet for the first time, that I have known for 10 years and I still feel like I won't be at the cool kids table. I know it shouldn't matter, but fuck, things like this really scare me. I have never been strong enough not to care and be myself.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
It's easy to put on a brave face. It's easy to think that people don't judge. It's easy to pretend it doesn't hurt when you find out the truth. It's easy to think everything is ok. It's easy to be truthful, really but it's not, is it? Why do you treat people differently? Shouldn't you treat people the same? It's easy to say that you will. It's easy not to do that isn't it? it's easy to think it doesn't matter, that no one will notice. It is noticed. It's easy to just not care anymore.
Peace Out ~ sj at 1:18 AM