Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Why is it that people feel....

that it's ok, to yell at me, when I am just trying to help....What the fuck! Seriously, maybe I am just over feeling and over thinking and over being right now.
I have always been genuine, or at least I think I am. Maybe everyone else is right and I am just as fake and hypocritical as everyone else. I was taught to be respectful of others feelings.  I guess no one else has been taught to have manners. I just want to give up and not care anymore. It's all crap!
No one asks about me, how I am doing.  No one knows all of the crap that I am going through. No one cares. They all pretend to be my friends, but everyone has their own things going on.  Honestly I shouldn't worry, if they can't worry about me, then I really shouldn't worry about them.  I guess it's all fake friends. It still feels like I am in High School. I hated every minute of that mess.  No one knew, no one cared then either. I am just as insecure and broken as I was then, but no one knows.  It really doesn't matter anyway.
I have a big convention coming up in a few weeks and currently I am having a ton of anxiety about the whole thing. There are 'friends' I am going to meet for the first time, that I have known for 10 years and I still feel like I won't be at the cool kids table. I know it shouldn't matter, but fuck, things like this really scare me. I have never been strong enough not to care and be myself.